I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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