Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
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