woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon