On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.