You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick