What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.