I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready