I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day