Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.