if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wear drunk well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.