WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wear drunk well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.