I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good