I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.