Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.