Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.