Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Follow @tfln