I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice