We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man