Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked