I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free