HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.