I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?