there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me