Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be