She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?