i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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