sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf