I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me