So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.