Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
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