I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus