After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.