Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the night was just a blur of sex and pie