So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie