Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?