I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media