Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?