Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure