the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.