Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.