I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You can make out without kissing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex