My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.