I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper