are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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