You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask