I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”