I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.