Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.