he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT