Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (440)

Last Night in Ohio (440)

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literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.

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(440): literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck. http://tfl.nu/514p

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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore

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(440): The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore http://tfl.nu/1tsb

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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.

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(440): I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape. http://tfl.nu/tyij

Replies (2) Good night (377) Bad night (117)
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.

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Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.

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(216): Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know. (440): Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl. http://tfl.nu/hazv

Replies (2) Good night (1811) Bad night (156)
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The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...

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(440): The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine... http://tfl.nu/over

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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.

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(440): I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land. http://tfl.nu/ihv8

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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast

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(440): That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast http://tfl.nu/nk0g

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you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.

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(440): you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied. http://tfl.nu/16n4

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Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

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(440): Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack! http://tfl.nu/22h4

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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!

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(440): I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?! http://tfl.nu/61is

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Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.

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(440): Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis. http://tfl.nu/4osl

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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.

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(440): My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b. http://tfl.nu/x8nr

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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.

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(440): The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult. http://tfl.nu/70ah

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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS

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BECAUSE SCIENCE

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(440): WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS (740): BECAUSE SCIENCE http://tfl.nu/5ndo

Replies (9) Good night (1248) Bad night (184)
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie

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(440): Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie http://tfl.nu/g1ng

Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in Ohio (440)

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