I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.