sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect