i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea