I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT