I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker