I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina