I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself