Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip