This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?