The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.