dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night