I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.