He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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