Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.