Btw I puked in your glovebox
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????