Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby