Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am