She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter