I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.