Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.