I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.