Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (239)

Last Night in Florida (239)

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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.

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(239): "Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood. http://tfl.nu/hwa3

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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk

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(239): I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk http://tfl.nu/44fq

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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling

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You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?

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(239): I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling (1-239): You hooked up with minors in a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/sx7k

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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms

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(239): apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms http://tfl.nu/7buk

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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

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(239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b

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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

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Nah, just masturbating louder

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(239): Is it weird being in the house without any roommates? (813): Nah, just masturbating louder http://tfl.nu/cjwy

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Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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(239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd

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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

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(239): Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning? http://tfl.nu/tqik

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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..

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(239): I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high.. http://tfl.nu/0y5k

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I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

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(239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q

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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

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(239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e

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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.

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(239): When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up. http://tfl.nu/gf96

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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.

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(239): it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming. http://tfl.nu/ara4

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I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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(239): I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them http://tfl.nu/55o4

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they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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(239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16

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Last Night in Florida (239)

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