I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!