i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.