I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.