The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.