He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.