when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.