Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
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  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
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  he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling

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  (202): he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling http://tfl.nu/aha0
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  I'm wearing red that night.

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  Noted, what shade?

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  Whore.

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  (202): I'm wearing red that night. (301): Noted, what shade? (202): Whore. http://tfl.nu/7182
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  There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

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  (202): There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again. http://tfl.nu/5erg
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  he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

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  (202): he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/t5e0
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  Vodka shot parachutes

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  Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room

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  (202): Vodka shot parachutes (265): Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room http://tfl.nu/h39d
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  I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.

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  (202): I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/68x5
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  He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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  (202): He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster. http://tfl.nu/s5i4
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  All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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  (202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r
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  Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

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  (202): Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis http://tfl.nu/68pm
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  How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?

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  (202): How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers? http://tfl.nu/rzz2
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  I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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  (202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06
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  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
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  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

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  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
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