I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!