Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.