He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass