Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me