Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!