His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.