What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE