How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How did you get so drunk?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies