If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.