a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dick very happy bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think i just lost a toe
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?