Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
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  New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night

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  (303): New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/j3fg
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  No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.

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  (303): No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to. http://tfl.nu/fzx1
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  Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?

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  (303): Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night? http://tfl.nu/dyw8
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  Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!

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  (303): Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?! http://tfl.nu/om37
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  there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here

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  (303): there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here http://tfl.nu/yv0c
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  I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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  (303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t
  Replies (4) Good night (1515) Bad night (212)
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  Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.

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  (303): Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans. http://tfl.nu/out8
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  Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.

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  (303): Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures. http://tfl.nu/miux
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  he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper

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  (303): he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper http://tfl.nu/eza0
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  I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.

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  (303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick. http://tfl.nu/7vfn
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  why does he always try to puke into shot glasses

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  (303): why does he always try to puke into shot glasses http://tfl.nu/7wx4
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  I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.

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  (303): I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted. http://tfl.nu/7vqn
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  theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away

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  (303): theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away http://tfl.nu/plhs
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  We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences

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  (303): We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences http://tfl.nu/lf6j
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