I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks