For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....