i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.