Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus