Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love