So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN