Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.