She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Panties = found
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.