I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow