His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left