I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!