Someone signed my nipple.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?