Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?