I currently don't understand fingers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important