Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.