Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead