Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (562)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I bought something for you today. You'll love it.

  (909): View more from California

  What is it? Drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I bought something for you today. You'll love it. (909): What is it? Drugs? http://tfl.nu/q4iy
  Replies (4) Good night (655) Bad night (119)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell... http://tfl.nu/1xl3
  Replies (0) Good night (160) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?! http://tfl.nu/ufe7
  Replies (6) Good night (199) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches. http://tfl.nu/v2w2
  Replies (9) Good night (661) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph. http://tfl.nu/ubbg
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (197)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning. http://tfl.nu/rdpv
  Replies (0) Good night (283) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which. http://tfl.nu/ynpd
  Replies (10) Good night (1057) Bad night (138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You are not an adult

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride. (416): You are not an adult http://tfl.nu/skb0
  Replies (2) Good night (1037) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much. http://tfl.nu/3gvt
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding. http://tfl.nu/vxim
  Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers. http://tfl.nu/434l
  Replies (2) Good night (729) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation. http://tfl.nu/22zx
  Replies (5) Good night (188) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car http://tfl.nu/galf
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips http://tfl.nu/8ne3
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt