Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits