Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...