Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!