Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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i think we sleep fucked last night...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex