Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (419)

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  I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.

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  Dreams are coming true for both of us.

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  (419): I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest. (1-419): Dreams are coming true for both of us. http://tfl.nu/6zn2
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (129)
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  She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(

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  (419): She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :( http://tfl.nu/482z
  Replies (3) Good night (198) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
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  I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.

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  (419): I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina. http://tfl.nu/vhcx
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
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  Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities

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  (419): Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities http://tfl.nu/xynh
  Replies (8) Good night (337) Bad night (1617) Order T-Shirt
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  you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there

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  (419): you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there http://tfl.nu/8eig
  Replies (0) Good night (194) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
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  I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.

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  Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.

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  (419): I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama. (574): Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts. http://tfl.nu/mgxx
  Replies (1) Good night (1192) Bad night (208)
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  Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.

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  That would've been embarrassing.

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  (419): Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night. (206): That would've been embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/nb0e
  Replies (7) Good night (974) Bad night (268)
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  I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away

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  (419): I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away http://tfl.nu/9ufh
  Replies (1) Good night (438) Bad night (793)
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  Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

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  (419): Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg http://tfl.nu/keiy
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  I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him

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  (419): I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him http://tfl.nu/czew
  Replies (5) Good night (1377) Bad night (359)
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  my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier

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  (419): my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier http://tfl.nu/3vbg
  Replies (10) Good night (888) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

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  (419): Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies. http://tfl.nu/geoh
  Replies (13) Good night (1151) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!

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  (419): So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me! http://tfl.nu/6u48
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  So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.

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  (419): So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall. http://tfl.nu/czve
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  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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  (419): Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus http://tfl.nu/mjlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1402) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt