I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.