He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your penis caused this!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.