I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.