Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.