i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Send us your Text From Last Night!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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