I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.