So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*