They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.