every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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