Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.