Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Congratulations! We have a period
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I smell like Dick and happiness
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers