It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out