Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can you come over?
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!