BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”