Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (760)

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  (760): View more from California

  And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning

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  (760): And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning http://tfl.nu/27ss
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  (760): View more from California

  I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.

  (951): View more from California

  Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped

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  (760): I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire. (951): Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped http://tfl.nu/trsg
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  He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.

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  (760): He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative. http://tfl.nu/28jo
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  I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

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  (760): I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays. http://tfl.nu/jyu4
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (204)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?

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  (760): I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right? http://tfl.nu/usy0
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  (760): View more from California

  Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.

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  (760): Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night. http://tfl.nu/5xwv
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  (760): View more from California

  My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town

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  (760): My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town http://tfl.nu/5sn6
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  (760): View more from California

  Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs

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  (760): Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs http://tfl.nu/ndm8
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  (760): View more from California

  So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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  (760): So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related. http://tfl.nu/jwal
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  He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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  (760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Who showers for four hours?!

  (760): View more from California

  It was like a tropical nap.

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  (206): Who showers for four hours?! (760): It was like a tropical nap. http://tfl.nu/5ez6
  Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (182)
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  (760): View more from California

  I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk

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  (760): I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk http://tfl.nu/6zmb
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  If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right

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  (760): If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right http://tfl.nu/o2q4
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  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

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  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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  (760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag
  Replies (6) Good night (1758) Bad night (169)
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  (760): View more from California

  I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico

  (760): View more from California

  You can wake up to my rainbow of failure

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  (760): I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico (760): You can wake up to my rainbow of failure http://tfl.nu/n9kz
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