Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy