Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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