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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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