I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.