All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?